How I Remember Them
by Raggazzed12
Summary: As Johnny lay in the hospital bed dying, he began to relive his memories as a child, and everything that followed. Some are not pleasant, some wonderful or just amazing; but all how he remembers them.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Author's Note: This is my first "Outsiders" fanfiction, but I got this idea recently and realized that it, though very sad, was pretty good in my opinion. This is all from Johnny's point of view. I really am glad to write this because I have recently become a fan of "The Outsiders" in movie style, and a little bit more in the book, which I already liked. I read that last winter, I think, so yeah, I just discovered the movie. Disclaimer: I don't own any of those boys, even though I really wish I owned Johnny, but I can't, sadly enough. Anyway, here's chapter one and I hope you enjoy! (Also, this is important, the memories start in italics.)

I lay in that white hospital bed, thinking to myself. I was in pain, but since I couldn't feel anything below the middle of my back, it didn't make any difference. I was thinking about what I had told Pony earlier, about how sixteen years ain't long enough, and I knew that we both knew that I was right. I didn't want to die. I don't know how I had done that, thought about death earlier on in life. It wasn't fair. Why?

And then, it struck me. I was doing this for good, had done this. All of a sudden, I was going back over my life. Thinking, re-living the memories and times. My first one was as a small child, at the age of 6, and it wasn't pleasant...

_"'Johnny, get here right now! You ain't gonna pretend that you didn't do this! Come on, come over here to your father!'" yelled my mother. She was a dark haired woman with an awful temper, at that time in my life, she was just mom and nothing more._

_My father stood with a piece of wood almost as big as me. It was the first time I would endure this torture and not the last at all. He laughed and started to hit me with it. I didn't make a sound as he hit me again and again. My mother cackled in a witch like sort of way. When he was done, he threw me on the ground._

_"'That'll teach ya! Honey, go get me a beer!'" he yelled. My mother turned pale._

_"'I'm not your personal servant. Go get your own beer, you idiot! And you don't pay the rent, so you don't need me to get you anything in the first place!'" she shrieked. I crawled away as the arguing got worse. I made it to my bedroom where I lay on the small, hay-filled mattress that was my bed._

_They kept at it a full two hours that night. I had never heard something so horrible. I cried at one point, and then I finally fell asleep. But I didn't think the same of my parents again after that._

Then there was the time when I was 10 years old. I hadn't met the gang yet, still, and was still living with my parents. It was a stormy night...

_There hadn't been a thought on my mind about going out into the storm, but I was hungry and in need of food. I snuck out eventually around five o'clock and ended up going to the nearest gas station. I didn't bother to think about the consequences. It was too risky. I couldn't._

_I bought snacks and stayed in the park for a few minutes before heading back to the house. But what I met there was not good._

_Most parents would have just forgave their kid or given them food in the first place. But mine, no, mine were unforgiving and rude. My mother was standing at the door, not worried, just mad. Most parents would have been angry and mad and would have not done what mine did._

_"'Johnny, is that you?'" she yelled when she saw me coming in through the gate._

_"'Yeah.'" I replied, bracing myself._

_"'Do you know what you did? I can't believe you would disgrace me in front of guests like that. You weren't there when I called you for dinner! I wish you had gotten struck by lighting instead, foolish, stupid, boy, don't do that again!'" she yelled. My father appeared, looking equally as angry. I had forgotten about the people coming over. But I had been hungry._

_"'Honey, you go back to the guests, I'll take care of him.'" said my father. My stomach dropped._

_He came out and started to hit me with his hands, just hit me. I let the blows come. He took out his belt, hit me with that. I let them come. But afterwards, when he had gone back inside and locked the door, I lay there, in pain. There was nowhere for me to go, yet I had to get out of here. Where could I go?_

_I stayed there for the whole night, and slept on the back steps of the house because when the guests came out, I didn't want them to see me. I had to sleep there, because no door was unlocked when my parents went in for the night. I didn't cry. I just slept, and thought, and got rained on a lot. Luckily, I was under a slight protection from the roof of the patio. But this didn't make a difference. I could've died out there that night. But I didn't because I moved around a lot and barely slept._

That memory flew past my eyes. It seemed as though the bad ones were gone. That wasn't true. The next one that came to me was the day I met the others, Darry, Soda, Pony, Steve, Dally, and Two-Bit.

_It was a sunny day out, I was now 12 years old, and I had been wandering the streets. I never went to school, never could. My parents weren't nice enough to help me with everything, so I dropped out of school in kindergarten, basically. I was busy humming a tune and thinking about where I could find to sleep tonight. Mother and father had gone at it again this morning and I had left immediately._

_For the past two years, I had been sleeping in different places. The garage, the backyard, other people's roofs, and all because I had been chased out by my parents almost every other day. They had beaten me, then would kick me out, or I would run out._

_And so, it was about three in the afternoon. I was being lazy, not doing anything. I couldn't really do anything, there was no job that I could get at all, furthermore, there were no jobs. So I was walking past a house that was nicely kept. A car was parked in front of it, an old one. I knew that the inhabitants in that house was a family of 5, and I knew they were in the same league as me. They weren't Socs._

_I had known about the Socs for a time at that point. I was a greaser, as I knew I would be, and they were the Socs. That was that. So now, as I passed the house, I looked at it more closely. All of a sudden, a boy who looked about ten years old came bounding down the sidewalk. Obviously he had just come home from school. He was part of that family. He looked at me, curiously._

_"'Who're you?'" he asked me._

_"'Just...kid, what's your name?'" I asked him._

_"'Ponyboy. Really, it is. That's true.'"_

_"'Alright, well, I'm Johnny. I was just wandering around.'" I replied._

_"'Why ain't you in school?'"_

_"'Well...'"_

_"'That's okay, my brothers don't go to school either. I gotta go. See ya!'" he said. I nodded, and he bounded into his house. I moved on, wondering if that was really a good place to stay one night._

_Funny boy, that was. I didn't know who his brothers were, but he didn't seem like the type that wasn't like me. He was a greaser, that I knew. So were his brothers, most likely. Or would be if they ever got interested. Not now, though. They were all just common folk, unlike me._

_That night, I decided to find a place to stay other than my house's garage or the neighbor's roof. I decided I would go down the street to that house and sleep on their roof. I could get away before they saw me. I didn't go hungry that night, though, I ate a small dinner that my father had put out for me. I didn't know whether it meant that he cared or to stay away, but most likely it was the stay away part._

_So I made my way to that house and started to figure out a way to get to their roof. A fence lined the yard, but it wasn't close enough to the house. Maybe I would have to sleep on the ground near their porch. I decided to do so, in hiding, just in case someone came around this area of the yard before I got up._

_I slept there that night, a little bit less nervous and high-strung, a tiny bit more calm and relaxed. The next morning, though, I didn't get up early enough to not be discovered or even seen. I heard voices near the car. I looked at my watch. It was 8 A.M. I was going to be caught if I wasn't careful._

_I looked up at the door. The mother stood saying goodbye to the boy, Ponyboy, and the father who was getting in the car. Both of them were. Two older boys came out onto the porch, one who looked to be about my age, another, a good bit older. They just couldn't seem to get into that car quick enough. I had to run. I felt my nerves prick up again._

_I stood up, and started to back slowly away. I should have known that the youngest would see me. I began to run as he yelled out something. They all were looking, and I had scaled that fence faster than I had ever climbed a fence before. I ran, and just kept running. I have no idea what they were all thinking at that moment. I was a strange boy in jeans and a t-shirt that ran from their porch. What impression was that? I cussed slightly, alarmed at my stupidity. Now I had let them know that I was there, and they wouldn't be a safe place anymore._

Author's Note: Yes, the next chapter will be taking from the same memory. I hope you enjoyed and please, please, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Author's Note: Alright, so here is chapter two. I really am enjoying writing this. I am going to get at least one more in today, but in the meantime, here is chapter two!

By the way: This is picking up where I left off on chapter one, so it's still in Johnny's memory.

_I decided to go back to that house. I was intrigued. Mysterious, I thought it. And I knew that they weren't like me, the boys weren't greasers, but I was and I knew my way around things. So I went back. Noone was at home at this point. I spent the rest of my day in the park, playing around with myself out of boredom._

_Then I saw the boy approaching. That kid, Ponyboy. It was the time he was coming home. And with him he had his brothers. I was terrified, but also interested. What and who were they? I didn't know, I didn't have a clue. So I let them approach. I was sitting on the monkey bars, watching them. _

_Ponyboy was pointing up at me and talking to the other two. They were watching me, as if waiting for me to make a move. I didn't move a muscle. When they were by the monkey bars, Ponyboy started to talk to me._

"'_Did you say your name was Johnny?'" he asked me. _

"'_Yeah, it ain't changed.'" I replied, hiding a grin._

"'_Johnny, this is Darrel, or Darry, and Sodapop, or Soda, my two brothers.'" Ponyboy said, his face lighting up. "'Darry's 16, Soda's 12 going on 13.'"_

"'_And how old are you?'" asked the boy named Soda._

"'_12.'" I replied. "'An' a greaser.'"_

"'_Early age.'" said Darry, as if he was shocked._

"'_Technically I ain't in a gang, I jus' on my own. My parents...'"_

"'_Are they dead?'" asked Soda._

"'_No, but I wish they were.'"_

"'_Why, how could you want that?'" said Ponyboy, sounding alarmed._

"'_They don't give a crap about me. I ain't give a crap 'bout them. That's the deal they seem to make with me.'"_

"'_That's why you were sleeping under our porch.'" said Darry._

"'_Nah, not under. Next to. An' the reason is 'cause they don't like me in the house much. I ain't going there at night half the time. They beat me. Then they argue.'" I said, feeling almost relieved. "'But I ain't doing nothing about it because I can't. They are my parents, I ain't gonna argue.'"_

_To my horror, I found myself crying. The boys were silent. I didn't look at any of them. I hadn't cried since the night I had gotten stuck out in the storm for that long amount of time. And I didn't want to now. Not in front of them._

_I got down and walked towards the fountain. They didn't follow until Ponyboy did. He came up to me and then looked at me._

"'_You need friends.'" he said. "'We can be that. Our parents will let you stay, I know they will.'" _

"'_Pony, that's not what mom has in mind. We already have us.'" said Darry._

"'_No, just, just overnight is all I need sometimes. Last night they got into a fight and before that my father hit me with his belt. I couldn't stay. But I probably can sneak in tonight.'" I said._

_The boys started talking to me then. We had a conversation, a nice one, not my mother yelling at me or my father hitting me and doing the same._

As this memory flashed before my eyes, I thought about what had happened after that. It was immediate friendship. Maybe that wasn't all about the day I had met Steve, Dally, and Two-Bit.

_I was sitting on the front porch of the Curtis's house talking to Ponyboy. We were talking just about the usual stuff. We hadn't the care in the world for anything. It was about a few months later. I hadn't joined any gang yet. These guys were my gang. And then, along came Sodapop and three other guys, all different ages. I was scared stiff at first. Pony wasn't, for some reason. Soda was smiling and talking to those boys. When they came up close, I got my first real looks at them._

_One had brown hair in swirls, another blond hair and an elfish face, and the last one had dark hair. I only really had time to register that when Soda started to talk to us. I was ready to run away, terrified of these people._

"'_Pony, let me introduce these guys.'" said Soda, laughing at his youngest brother's earnest face. _

_I knew that Pony would do anything to introduce anyone that he could to me. The 11 year old sat down and shrugged, as if he hadn't been planning to do it for Soda._

"'_Johnny, I'd like you to meet my friends. This is Two-Bit Mathews, Steve Randle, and Dallas or Dally Winston. They are some of my pals from various places, an' Dally here's just known to everyone in town.'" explained Soda. I gave a nod to the other three. I didn't know about Dally at all until now. But I kept my cool and didn't object._

"'_You a runaway or something, kid?'" asked Two-Bit, jokingly, but he didn't know how close he had gotten to the truth. I turned away, looking down the street to my house. I had always wanted to run away from my parents._

"'_Two-Bit, that ain't funny.'" said Soda, seriously. I turned and looked at them again._

"'_Sorry kid. But, no, seriously, who are you?'" asked Two-Bit. I bit my lip, debating how to tell them who and what I was, or at least who my parents were._

"'_The house I might've lived in is down the street. My parents own it.'" I said quietly. "'But they don't own me. I'm not like them, can't be. It ain't fair, man, when ya gotta run away, or feel like it.'"_

_They were silent. I guess they knew my position in life, or maybe guessed. I didn't look up from the pavement. There was no way I would tell them about what really happened at my house._

"'_That it?'" asked Dally, eyeing me. "'You jus' run away for the hell of it?'"_

_I didn't look up. I couldn't reply. I didn't know what to tell them. Was it fair holding back the truth. I guess I should've, because I looked at Ponyboy who was staring hard at me. His eyes told me to tell the truth. I couldn't do anything about it. He was telling me to. I had to._

"'_They don't give a crap 'bout me, I don't really give a crap 'bout them. I can't do anything about it. I can't. They'd beat me with something, well, my dad would, if I told them that I didn't want to see them again. He'd probably bring out the belt or his two-by-four log. I can't, man, I can't.'"_

_Noone spoke yet again. I always seemed to silence people with that story, or explanation, I didn't care. I wasn't going to resist the urge to run anymore. I started to move backwards slightly, ready to sprint away in case I needed to. I was high -strung, as always, and these guys were making me nervous. Dally was watching me still. He seemed like the type that would do anything to murder someone for something like money. I figure he would. I couldn't imagine that face doing anything but being in a scowl or even a sympathetic grin, or maybe a smile, a trickster one at that. _

"'_Johnny, where you going?'" asked Pony as I began to back up farther._

"'_Listen, I just heard something.'" I said, and indeed I had. It was my father and mother, yelling my name. "'Aw shit.'"_

_The others looked alarmed. I knew they weren't going to like me if I kept running away from them, but I could see my dad in the front yard. He was holding out his fists. And then he saw me. I knew that he would call my mom. They didn't approve of me hanging out with these greasers. I didn't like that they didn't. _

_Ponyboy stood up, putting his hand to his forehead. He saw my parents both standing on the sidewalk, and grimaced._

"'_They are calling you, Johnny. You gonna go?'" he asked me, looking scared. The others were staring as well._

"'_I-I gotta...'" I trailed off. I couldn't go anywhere, they'd hunt me down. _

_Sodapop, Steve, Two-Bit, and Dally were glaring at my parents. I didn't know how in the last five minutes they had become protective of me, but obviously they didn't approve of my parents. _

_I decided to face the consequences. There was no turning back. They'd find me. When I started to go towards them, I could see the others holding back. My father met me halfway there. And then he started to beat me with that dreaded belt. I didn't object, just took it. I was too used to it to object, to weak compared to him. There was no saying what I could be in for. My mother stood there, yelling about how I should come to dinner and not hang out with those horrible boys and so on. My dad left me on the ground. _

_They locked the doors to the house, even the windows after that. I heard their screaming from inside. I lay there until I could stand the yelling no longer, and managed to get up. I saw the other guys glaring. They looked angry. I walked back up to them, limping slightly._

"'_I'm gonna camp out...out at your place tonight, Pony. I hope ya don' t mind. They locked...locked the doors and windows, I'm sure of it.'" I said. Pony didn't object. This was a first for everyone there, Darry had even appeared when he had heard screaming._

"'_So, that's what they do ta ya, eh?'" asked Dally. I nodded, not able to answer, the wind had been driven out of me. But I didn't cry, because I just never did. I couldn't bring myself to it._

_That was excellently horrible, or so I thought, for a first impression. But somehow, I was wrong._

Author's Note: So there is chapter two. I hope you enjoyed it, and please review! (Man, ain't that a horrible rhyme?)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Author's Note: Here I am again, thank goodness. And here's chapter three. I am gonna get busy this week, so sooner or later, weekends are gonna be the only time of the week I can type. But nonetheless, I am bringing you chapter three!

Also, this starts off not in Johnny's mind, it starts off with him talking in the present, and anything in bold lettering and italics are quotes/part of the book itself and S.E. Hinton is the only one who owns them, not me, so yeah, that's why they look familiar.

Suddenly, the doctor walked in before I could think about the next thing that had happened. I didn't ask him why. I knew why he was in here. He looked at me, and in his eyes, I read that message that he was sending me. I wasn't gonna make it. I was becoming more and more tired. But I still haven't explained everything yet.

How did I know that I had made a good impression on those guys? By what happened next.

"_There was no time like this to be in a bad shape. I looked at them all, and then realized that they weren't looking at me, no, they were glaring at my house. I didn't ask why. Pony and I went into the house_, _and Darry followed. Their parents were at work, and I didn't ask why Sodapop was home so earlier. The three guys with him trekked in and I didn't talk to any of them._

_I lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. That belt hadn't hurt as much as my mother's words had. I know it might sound backwards. Normally as the saying goes, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Sure, yeah right. That's a total lie, at least, that's a lie for me. _

_Pony came and sat down near my feet. He looked worried._

"'_They're gonna let you back in sometime, right?'" he asked me._

"'_Probably. They do, and then they yell at me or at each other again. Most of the time it's just them two fighting. You know that, Pony.'" I replied. He nodded, looking sad. _

_The others were in the kitchen with Darry, or so I thought. It turned out they were right there in the living room while I told Pony that. Dang it, they were a curious crowd alright. I guess they weren't always wanted at home either, but nothing like me, I knew that. So did Pony, Soda, and Darry, and their parents. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were completely against my parents, so I didn't have to worry about them ever understanding. They got the fact that my parents were drunks and abusers. But they never could do anything against them._

_I just stared at the ceiling after that. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to interact with anyone else. All I wanted to do was sit there and melt into the shadows. Soda took the others into the kitchen eventually and I kept waiting to hear the sound of a dish breaking. They were the type of guys who would obviously do that._

_That first encounter was bad, in my opinion, but later on, about an hour later, they came in and started to actually talk to me, not about me, but about life and things we boys talk about all the time. It was nice. I didn't see why I couldn't always live like this. It was wonderful, and they were nice to me, actually nice. Just like Pony had been, and how his brothers and parents had been._

_Soon, we were a group of definite greasers. It was just how we were. I might've been the most protected, but that was fine. Dally was fond of me, I knew it. They all were, and if anything ever happened to me, they'd avenge me. I was their friend, and I couldn't be left alone._

_Then there was the day Pony's parents died. That was horrible. We had heard it from the porch, the sound of a train hitting another metal object. But we hadn't supposed that it had anything to do with Pony's parents._

_Darry came out with the phone in his hand suddenly, tears streaming down his face. Pony looked worried. Darry explained it all. Their parents were dead. A train had hit them. I felt horrible. _

_And then I wished it had been my parents. I know that's mean, but I did. As we sat in their house, as I watched Darry's, Soda's, and Pony's lives come apart, and as I refused to stay but they forced me to, I wished that it had been my parents. I suggested it even. We had been talking about memories of them, I knew that they wanted to, and I just busted out._

"'_I wish it had been my parents! Not yours.'" I said. Darry glared sharply at me._

"'_Don't say that, Johnny. You wouldn't be able to live without them.'" he said, but I knew he was wrong._

"'_Oh yeah? Well, let me tell you something, I ain't care 'bout them, and I wish it had been them. I can live without the abuse in my life, without the fights, the yelling, the curses! Damn it, Darry, why couldn't it have been my parents?!'"_ _I replied. Darry was slightly taken aback. I knew that he knew I was right. They should still have their parents. I don't need mine. I started to cry._

_Pony came over and hugged me, for one of the first times ever. I knew he was in enough pain, but somehow he cared about me enough to let me know that he was there. He was only 14 years old. I was 15, almost 16. I could make it on my own, I was old enough to. Why couldn't my parents have died? _

"'_Don't worry, Johnnycake, you ain't gonna be alone, you ain't gonna leave us."' he said, and I had no idea where he'd gotten that, but I guess he wanted me to stay._

A nurse walked in, asking if I wanted anything. I had been writing so hard, all these memories, that I'd forgotten to ask for another piece of paper from her to write to Ponyboy with. I asked her for that, and proceeded to think about my past.

_Then there I was. Stuck in a place where noone could find me. I was bleeding, and I knew it. The Soc holding my head up was yelling at me, and then he punched me in the face. I felt his cold, hard rings, and screamed. They cut me, punched me, did everything they could think of, yet not kill me, because they couldn't._

_I had just been looking for the football me and Pony had left around here. They had just been looking for a fight. I didn't ask for it. They had started attacking me, and I had been defenseless. _

_Finally, the gang showed up. All I could see, though, were those rings on the fingers of that Soc. Man, that had been awful. The others came running to me, and Soda lifted me up, I knew it was him. He only asked "'Johnnycake?"' and I knew it was him. I had my eyes closed, though. And I wasn't going to cry. I couldn't._

"'_**Soda?"' **__I had asked._

"'_**Yeah, it's me,"' Sodapop said, "'Don't talk. You're gonna be okay."'**_

"'_**There was a whole bunch of them,"' **__I said, ignoring Soda, __**"'a blue Mustang full...I got so**_ _**scared..."' **__I tried to hold it all in, but I was suddenly crying, fighting to control myself, and I sobbed all the more because I couldn't. Soda continued holding me, pushing my hair out of my eyes._

"'_**It's okay, Johnnycake, they're gone now. It's okay."' **__he told me. But it wasn't, not with me. I was crying in front of all of them, in pain, and I was terrified._

_I sooner or later, well, more like finally, got the story out between sobs. I had, as I said, been hunting the football. And then those Socs came along. That was the end of that. I explained it differently to the others, but you get the point._

_I started carrying a blade after that, terrified to the point of law-breaking, and I don't like to not have it with me. It was the fact that no Soc would ever jump me again._

Until now, where this had all started. I lay in bed, after that horrible memory went by. That was one of the last ones before this had all started. I put the pencil down. I had been writing all this for Ponyboy. I don't write very well, either. The nurse had finally come back with that paper and I sighed. There was nothing to do now except write this letter because I wanted Pony to know what I had to tell him.

But all the same, I wanted to review one last memory. It was a memory of Ponyboy. And I couldn't understand why I wanted to, but I had to. For his sake of reading these memories someday, when he finds them. It's torture. It hurts.

"_Not too long after I got beat up, there was a time when I thought I couldn't make it. I had to kill myself or something, but man, I couldn't. But I had to. But I couldn't. Ponyboy was the only thing, well, him and the rest of the gang, keeping me from doing that or running away to Texas. I don't know why they are so protective. I ain't done nothing to get this treatment, it's almost like I'm a kid. _

_But they are my family. I don't have anything but them. I guess I realized this the day Ponyboy told me so._

"'_Johnny, your folks are fighting again. What are you gonna do?'" he asked me as we walked past my house where I could hear yelling coming from inside._

"'_I dunno, Pony. But I ain't gonna stay there."' I said. He looked at me sadly._

"'_But Johnny, you can't just give up."' he said._

"'_Who says so, eh? Noone does, man, and that's the truth. You ain't got a clue what it's like."' I said._

"'_Sure, I have no clue what it's like to be yelled at."' he said sarcastically. "'Sure, Darry don't yell at me all the time."'_

"'_Well, he doesn't."' I said._

"'_And how can you prove that he doesn't? He does, Johnny, it's the truth. You just wish you could run away. Well, it ain't gonna happen, Johnny, you ain't gonna get outta here. We never will, and your parents aren't going to allow it. They yell at you too much."' Pony said. I felt his words sting, and I turned away. For a thirteen almost fourteen year old, he could belt out those words that hurt._

_Suddenly, Two-Bit, Soda, Dally, and Darry were there. I don't know how we got to Pony's house so fast, but we did, and then we were facing them. _

"'_Pony, we can hear you yelling down the street. Now whatever you just said to Johnny, I'd best regret it because otherwise you ain't gonna live through tonight."' said Dally, but Darry glared at him._

"'_Look, it's alright, guys. It's the truth. He ain't got it as bad as me. I'm gonna sleep in the lot tonight."' I said, but they already were looking at me like I was crazy._

"'_You ain't gonna sleep there. Come to our house."' said Soda. I shook my head. I needed time alone, but really, I was mostly trying to get away. My parents shouts were causing me to have a headache._

"'_Look, Johnny, don't go into the lot. It ain't a good thing to do, you could get jumped."' said Soda._

_But I left them, running. I couldn't understand why they didn't leave me alone. Maybe because I was most likely going to run away if they did leave me alone. I heard their shouts, but I was moving to fast towards the lot. I heard their footsteps behind me. I ran harder. When I reached the lot, I found a bench and sat down for about two seconds before I heard a noise behind me. _

"'_Johnny, come back here, I didn't mean it!"' yelled Pony. Sure, he didn't mean it. I doubted that._

_I just kept running, I don't remember where. But the gang followed me, just kept tracking me everywhere I went. Why? I couldn't see their reason to. I must've gone through the entire darn town by now, at least all of our side._

_I finally collapsed on a bench in the park. I was too tired to do anything, and I guess I wasn't alert, because suddenly, someone was there. _

"'_Hey greaser, want a fix up with your face?'" asked the person. I nearly fainted. It was Two-Bit, but at the time, I was too scared to register that._

_I guess the others had caught up as well. When they saw that I was completely white, they turned to Two-Bit._

"'_What do you think you're doing, scaring him like that?"' Dally yelled. _

"'_Sorry, I forgot."' replied Two-Bit. Pony came and sat next to me._

"'_Look, I'm sorry, Johnny, for saying that."' he said. _

"'_Yeah...yeah sure man."' I said. I had nearly gone out of our side of town._

"'_Stay here. We ain't gonna be able to make it without you if you leave."' Pony said._

"'_I ain't going nowhere, not tonight."' I replied, still terrified. Pony and I walked back to the house after a few minutes, the others following behind. _

_I wasn't going to run away because of Pony. I couldn't leave him, he was my buddy, and I couldn't leave him to himself._

And now, I'm going to. But I can't do anything else for myself and him, or anybody really. It's 6:55, or that's what the clock on the wall says. I began to write the letter.

Dally was in there suddenly, and I don't think he registered the paper or the pencil I was holding. He was scared and worried, I could read it in his face.

"Johnny, the rumble's gonna happen soon. I gotta go." he said, as if he had been in there for a while.

"Go...go ahead, man, you need to." I replied, and I could see his face tighten with worry.

"I'll be back, Johnny, and soon." was his answer, and then Dally was gone.

I stuffed all of the other papers with memories on them in an envelope that I hoped Pony would find in my jacket pocket sometime, because the jacket's hanging right above me and I've put the envelope in there. And then I started to write the letter for real now.

"'_**Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it ...'"**_

Author's Note: That, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls is...well, wait, there will be an afterwards because that will tell you when Pony finds the envelope, but this part is the end of the real story. Please review (no one has done so yet and I don't mind too much, I just want the feeling that people like this story and want encouragment, besides, this is the last chapter aside from the epilog, so please review!) Review!


	4. Epilouge

Epilog

Author's Note: As I said, here is the part where Ponyboy finds the envelope about two months later. It is in his point of view.

I picked up Johnny's old jacket, not sure why I was holding it. Why had I picked it up now, two months after his death? Maybe because I had a feeling, a need to think about him again, no matter how much it hurt. I didn't care.

I sat down at my desk and started to run my hands over the pockets and on the burned parts, the dirty parts, and so forth. I had taken it because I wanted to remember him by it, so he hadn't been buried with it. Noone cared. I think the rest of the gang really needed it, just like I did. Not that they ever touched it. I don't think they wanted to. It was badly burned, barely any part of it except the pockets and small non-burned parts had made it. I knew why. That church had really been on fire. That piece of timber that had taken my best friend's life was really on fire, burning and dangerous.

So as I felt it, I didn't know why there was a sudden lump in one of the pockets. I hadn't noticed it before, why was it there now?

And suddenly, after sticking my hand in there, I found an envelope, a heavy one at that, it seemed to have a lot in it. I turned it over, and found, in Johnny's hand writing, who it was addressed to.

_To: Ponyboy M. Curtis_

_From: Your buddy, Johnny_

I started breathing heavily. It was just like the time I had found his note in the book. Just this time, I didn't open it immediately. I just stared, wondering what was in it. And then I opened it.

Inside were about 5 pieces of paper. Each was written on front and back. I opened the first paper. First off, there was a note.

"'_Ponyboy:_

_I know you probably found that other note a long time ago. I wrote that after I wrote these. I wanted you to know things that I knew. I wrote these because I had to. I was thinking about it in that bed, and I decided that I needed to write down my memories. So I did, because I thought you'd need to see them. There are many in here, and I suggest you don't do nothing but read them to yourself first. Then share with the others, Dally, Darry, Soda, Two-Bit, and Steve. You're my buddy, I needed to write these. _

For one second, I stopped. What was I doing? Should I read them to myself first? I decided to anyway, because I needed to know what Johnny was talking about. Memories? That's weird, or kind of is, because I don't know why he would write them down. I guess that it's just how things are. I began to read them.

_My first one is when I was a small child at the age of 6, and it isn't pleasant..._

"'_Johnny! Get here right now! You ain't gonna pretend that you didn't do this! Come on, come over here to your father!'" yelled my mother. She was a dark haired woman with an awful temper, at that time in my life, she was just mom, and nothing more._

I stopped reading. It was a horrible thing to read about this. I wondered why Johnny had written it all down. Then I realized that maybe it was something he had been doing in the hospital bed, dying and realizing that he wanted me to know these things and needed to get the word out about abusive parents, what a real life greaser is like, and how the Socs are just plain mean. I continued reading, promising myself and Johnny that I would read it to the others sometime soon.

_My father stood with a piece of wood almost as big as me. It was the first time I would endure this torture and not the last at all..._

Author's Note: So there you are. I hope you enjoyed it, that is the ending, ladies and gentle men, boys and girls! Please, please, please, review, review , reveiw!


End file.
